I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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