Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
