How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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