my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How does it feel to date your dad?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
