You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
