Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
