im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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