I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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