It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Terrible idea I love it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
