Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
