I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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