oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
