I think my fart just growled at me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
