do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
