he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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