how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
