We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
