and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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