he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
