Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
