I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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