Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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