mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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