My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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