If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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