We named our party play list daddy issues
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
