I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
