If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
