Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
