Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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