Don't make out with my wife yet
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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