4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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