I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
