I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
