I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
