3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
