conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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