If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
