We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
