First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
