guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
