oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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