I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
