Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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