so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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