Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
