i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
