This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
