so explain again why im purple
no
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
