people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
