it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Pooping to opera.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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