I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
