With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
