i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
