yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
