her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
