not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
sex in a hospital.. check
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
