i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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