Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
