Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
