This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
