I think my vagina is haunted
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
