i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
