Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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