is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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