My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
