I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
