why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
