you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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