just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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