so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
