hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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